My first love

 Love

My first love.  It is a he . 

My first love is kind, nice and amazing, He is my hero. I felt safe and I can be anyone anything around him. He make me feel so smart while making me teach him and yap all the weird thing I have learned and all the things I've done during  the day knowing he himself is a teacher. 

My first love is my family. 

My first love was my everything and he lets me do everything and would do anything for me.

And I am afraid I am loosing memory of us, but I remember sitting on his shoulder walking down the road singing "twinkle twinkle little star" while I look up at the sky without any worry of falling. A genuine time I was so safe without any Worldly disturbance.

I am sure I have more memories, good memory at that  but they are vanishing or was it never there . As I went more far from where I used to be I get to seee more widely. A sudden moment of shouting and screaming at each other. Running away for a while to be safe for a while. 

My hero can be a villain. A villain who is also in pain but also cause pain to my home.

My first love is changing shape and he is stuck in this new shape. But he look stuck, will anyone be able to reshape him can I? Can he? ... But I need him.I need my first love my hero.  

A shield sometimes become a bomb. Few bits of addiction let to loose control. All the tears was not enought to drown him to renew him, reshape him. 

(A new word I learned 

Pistanthrophobia )

My first love make me understand this word and relate so much. A love so big to Bigger disappointment. Longing to escaping. 

My first love is loosing his spark he is lost.