She make home

Every year there are a reminder to us the day we were born. 

Weather we celebrate or not it is a day we all always remember. The day A person just a human being brought another life and sould into this world. No matter how the world would feel about it, the life that was given inspite of having a chance of loosing their own is a choice every mother make.

A new life that give new hope to the world of a mother. A person who is willing to sacrifice anything in the world for the life she have carried. 

Where every thing she do is for the family so that they would not starve giving up on their own to live a life for someone else. Mistreated and mocked is nothing for a mother for her love for her is so big. 

From never letting go or cutting of a family where decision is made is even so the child would live a better life.

Being ignored and mistreated for not being perfect enought even by family member how tired she must be. Even the surrounding are giving her hard work the grass would never stop growing that is needed to be cut every day. House that is needed to be cleaned to food needed to be prepared and getting all the requirements for making it. 

How did she manage it all isn't giving a person's life not enought yet she is never considered enought. Everyone forced to want to work more where all she did is work. When she rest she need to think of the next work she have to do to make the family survive.

Looked by someone are they not ashame to say those harmful word have they not see her hardwork. They themselves see her work make her work and yet called her incompetent and is useless.

She is the foundation in a family that make the family strong and firm. She is the person who never gives up even though she have every right to. She choose the one reason to be strong when there are millions reason to give up. 

Because she did not give up because she have hope in the life she create she have faith. She believe that she would not be disappointed. Never in the heart. 

Her love is different her love is never comparable to any thing that is ever visible or known. She is love she is amazing and She deserves all the award that is ever needed for she teach something she never learn. She do something that no one ever told her to do She give life and She gives hope and she have faith. 

She make a home, Home.

Expectations kills

 

A little caterpillar that just move slowly on the ground and live by eating leaf.

Which will soon be a butterfly one day. Slowly move carrying and dragging its own body looking at the fully grown butterfly wondering when it's time will come. While imagining how life would be like how different it must be.

Waiting for everyday to finally grow out to be a butterfly how life would be so much easier just flying in the sky looking earth from above. But now just looking from below everything seemed so much harder.

Wondering what would it be able to do and to how much length it's fun would be. Spending all its time imagining to being something else that it is not. Just eating leaf and moving around in hope of flying some day.

But oh how the world is also not so much better from above. To see all the hurt that have happen and can do nothing to other just trying to harm and take advantage of it.And many other which make it hard to survive.

Warned by older other people but still imagine how beautiful the world would be so different. Other may say so many things and all that but how can one inexperienced know it all. The excitement is just in the soul itself. 

Slowly it did grow every different form it face from different shape and size it went through. The hardship it face now understand what oher mean before.

The process of understanding it all are just too harsh. The more it knows and understands the more there is to know and understand. The need to compromise with other creature.

Slowly it have completed its form. How free it felt how wonderful it felt. Fly so long till it exhaust itself. But the experience of seeing and exploring something new is just amazing.

But just how long does it looked beautiful. The more it flew the more it see the expectations it have and all the time it have spent imagining. Have dulled the life it is now.

But it was not supposed to be it claimed but how exactly is it suppose to be?... well no one knows. the the excitement in us to try new things have make such a big expectations in is that it is so much bigger than what we can imagining. 

Which would later eat up and make us do and think what it isn't suppose to be. Being disappointed by others just because of one's own expectations there are just no cure. 

With a little less expectations and more of hope we can have a better smile.

It is a rose

 

Red as a rose. 

So beautiful and with a great fragrance admired by everyone. Hard to grow hard to be healthy and be perfect enought to be liked by other.

The wind and sun that gives it the need to grow . The thorn that protect them from anything that would harm it. But that was not enought to ever protect them.

The colour of the petals so red among other colour red how dar and fibrant it is. Stand out among other. But when the soil get to dry and there is no care to the soil it geta dry. The stem would soften up loosing it's strong support for the whole plant.

The beautiful petals of the roses that was red resembles blood, could be. Slowly losses its colour it's beauty and slowly become dull and dark. From the soft healthy juicy petal to a dry lifeless thing that are ready to be crushed.

One by one the pedals falls becoming one with the soil then join all other parts of it. Once a beautiful flower now become a Bart of the earth that no one even notice. 

The amount of care it needed was never met and the praises it gets for being so magnificent was not enought to make it live.

How can it when it needed was water.

Tangled

A line of yarn what colour would we use or what is your favorite colour?.... ever wondered what your favorite colour is well I do to actually a lot of time I could say  and yet  I still can't figure out what mine could be..... but how can you choose..There are so many stunning that exist.

Well getting back to yarn it's just a thread a line of coloured thread maybe umm so... Just a little lying bit of line but humans that have exist quietly that not all or maybe even only little  can understand the value of it.

Or even knows how they can be formed and deformed. It is actually amazing. A thread of line combined to form yarn that is paired with a hook.

A different type of hook or even a knitting pin are usually paired with it. But it have so many other potential that one cannot even explore it all. The yarn known only to being tied into a knot to make a chain.

The chain of yarn that is a long one, where the yarn follows the movement of the hook that are being controlled without knowing how it would end. One could end up so badly crumbled that are thrown right in the dustbin even thou a huge amount of time and energy is being put into. 

The result is not perfect enought in the view point of the creator or the judge, despite of all the effort  and the amount of times that the line was being pulled, curved , and all the horrors it have to go through to from what it is now.

But the simpled and easily made that have received many praises and approved by many and is greatly being treated as a trophy. 

What make such a beauty perfect and who is called to be the judge of it?

Is it cause the shape it turned out to be that is is treated that way.  Is the shedding of peace it got because of all the pull it get, The fuzziness it result or it it the colour choice it have obtained.

It is not pretty enought it was formed and deformed to your liking. Have you looked to many times all the fault looked so clear...

Late..

Looking left and everything from the right disappeared right away.

Suddenly vanishing like it never exist the more you wonder and tried to find out the more you can't figure it out.

The feeling of emptyness that feels like you did not exist for a moment but everything thing else remind you that you were there. Everything and everyone seemed to remember but you are standing there with a blank mind and the mind feels like a black hole that suck in everything that you can remember.

Wondering if it is a goof thing or is it a baad thing and seemed to get worse day by day. Would it all come back to how it was to fill the empty holes.

Maybe it is the result of cooping with a situation a harsh reality where your only solution to being sane was pretending it never happened. 

forcing yourself to believe it did not happen and that shield would help you.

The shield become so thick invisibly and so high. That no one is able to move it anymore. 

Where did all the time go it's already pass 1 hour but I was just... What happened? I got lost again.

The blackhole that suck the harmful memory is becoming bigger darker and stronger it have stolen too many memories.It sometimes so the opposite most of the time But how do we stop it.

Late again and again what were you thinking?..I wasn't thinking I was just...

Actually I have no idea what I was doing I wasn't doing anything wasn't thinking about anything. 

Time is moving too fast or am I just slow is time playing with my space. My space of life that make me be there is becoming blur and a thunderous sound covers all around.

What is happening, Why looking around everything seemed to be fine and in a blink of an eye. All of the blurriness and weird blockage of sound Maybe breathing slowly will help.

But now there is only the sound of a heart beating so and and someone slow it down. There comes a cyclone from the heart? Well it feels more like a flood of all the loosen blocked memory.

Everyone is walking ahead but I get slower as time pass wait for me but no one seemed to notice.

The cat that sleep under the table

 

In the canteen where there are a lot of people come together. To eat, to gossip, to meet with people, and so many more.

But among them was a verry lazy looking cat walking around. From what I have observed that cat was being more clingy to people having or eating meat and good food.

That cat is pregnant and I think will never starve as long as the college is open and the canteen is also open. But the college is closed everyday and where would the pregnant mama go.

When the gates are closed and darkness come. When the loud and noisy sound gets quiet and silence is around it. Would it wonder where all the loud, yapping people all just vanish.

After eating up all the left over that people eat but now that there is no one around and no food. Would she get hungry and miss or think about the people who shared her food.

Where she lay down lazily from being to full after being fed by so many people during day. Carrying that heavy pregnant belly around. Under the hot weather and noisy hall .

But is sleeping peacefully under the table looking so tired and exhausted but looks content enought without any care in the world. 

Meeting many people from kind and friendly people that feed her to mean people who dispise her and just shoo her away.

Meeting so many people what would the cat think of people comming and going. 

People are like air that just blows from one way to another or the sea that flows from distance to distance to different form of force.

They come and go and reach may places. And it's nature's call that veryone is meant to be in a place where they are  destined to be . Moving not knowing where the breeze would take them but keeps on moving.

But while people are busy with their thing the cat would become a mama with responsibility and also keep on moving looking for food to survive.

Is it worth it

it's so weird that we have to keep going and keep on doing what ever we have to do. Everyone is in a rush thinking about what will happen in the future.

Busy planning for what to come, will it be worth it. Do they also have time that they would think to themselves that what if the thing they do is not going to work. 

What is the correct way of living?

Everyday each person keep on learning new thing making chang. 

Is change good.

We all are so happy when change are made and are excited to be the one who bring change. Sometimes forget the most important part what are the consequences of the change and what will happen if it fails .

Change is great and amazing but when it is not treat the way it was ment to be and managed properly And when it fails. Just criticism is all around noone is wondering for a way to fix but blame the maker for it. Forgetting that they were the one asking for change so excited for the change. 

The world full of people looking for change new things while the old ones were perfectly fine is it worth it?. Yes some are actually life saving but Just for an escape of the past. 

Letting go

 

So innocent and naughty. Baby Oreo.

Let me introduce to Oreo. He is was still 4 month old and was still a puppy when we first got him. He was very scared and shy. But he was always hungry all the time and missed its mommy so he used cry until we hug him to sleep.

 Maybe there are times we need to leave home or our comfort to be in a better place. Maybe the beginning might be scary and hard to take a new way. But its never impossible when you try and doing things out of our comfort zone and tends to avoid it. There actually isn't a limit to what you are able to do unless you pass out. But we should know what actually are doing for that if not can also hurt us.

Oreo after being wit us for only three days or so he was already very playful and energetic. But still have a hard time sleeping alone so I used to help him sleep or he would sleep next to my bed. Sometimes he tried to get on my bed but was never successful but still try it every time. 

In the beginning we did not give him meaty foods cause most of the time when we raise dog they would choose to eat meat only and stopped eating vegetables. So for his health we mix dog food with our rice. As he gets older we added little meat where he did not become obsessed with only one type of food.

Containing yourself from things especially tempting things that everyone around you might have may be sad and disappointing to you and everyone. But having them when you know how to manage it and are mature enough to  understand the value of having it. Slowly learning things by yourself is a very important thing for living life in this world. Discipline yourself and know yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself .

Oreo is a very energetic dog whenever we go for a walk he never gets enough of it and always wanted more. Always eats a lot and playful. But even though he is cute and lovable he eat and destroy maximum three shoes of mine not count the other things.

But like nature he got sick and would not come inside the house. As dogs he is so smart that knowing being sick is not good thing and would hide until we bring him out and give him medicines and go frequently give him drips as he was not eating. But there was no sign of him getting any better just when we thought he was getting better he would get worse.

I was always with him in in the vet when he gets his drip. But one night he keeps on trying to go out and we let him sleep outside. During night while everyone was asleep he was making sound like he was having hard time breathing and would make little crying sound trying not to wake us up.

I really wanted to get up and help him but there was nothing I can do even if all that medicine was not working. So this come to my mind that death is something is something that even animals have to die  eventually and that he would not feel pain anymore. Trying to sleep even though I was worried sick.

And when I wake up he was already gone my father and my brother already buried him they say that it would be so hard for me to see him like that during that time I was very angry at them for not letting me see him now I get or understand them a bit. 

I think that death is something that we should learn how to accept it cause it is a very harsh truth that exist. And dealing it is something we should learn quietly and not just try to hide our feelings in being strong. We should let it out and accept the truth. I am not saying we should forget them, Never but we should let them stay in our heart and always remember them but to know that they are suppose to be in some place now. Not try to let them fill the space they left or the memories of them effect you but.

Fill the empty space with spreading love and let the memories strengthen you.

That one winter

 

The cold winter morning. We were in a hostel. 

Not the common ones the one where one of our teacher built for 10th exam. I was never a student so focus on studying that need to be keep in a hostel cause I am a free spirited person even though I was never an excellent student I never fail. Well my parents also know it and is probably used to it. 

But 10 and 12 exams are like important so I was there. We don't have a lot of people there.

The place where we stay is a school like a kindergarten buts it's during winter and there is like COVID but is the beginning of it so schools were not opened. So I lived in that or spen my life there for like three month.

Our teacher is someone who teach us for like 3 years so we were all comfortable and he a math teacher we all love him. He is a frank and firm person. We would wake up at 4 in the morning to study and it's winter so it's very cold and if we're late to get there and if the teacher who will look after us is his brother we would need to stay outside for like ten minuit. 

And luckily I faced just that and it was so cold but if I could go back I would definitely go back to that cold morning. where we stand in line in the ground while shaking but looking at each other with my other friends we laugh was cold but warm.

After that we would have breakfast and practice maths again for the whole day. But we can get early bath so that the water would not be cold only if we complete solving the math question. So we all keep on giving the answers right and wrong. 

Those math questions were long and completed when I think back I am a bit amazed on how I could do them. After taking bath we have some time before dinner so little kids used to come to our campus to play. 

Since it was a kindergarten there were lots of things to play with. So we run around and okay with them. They might not notice it but after spending all day studying all day and night spending time with them was a fun thing for me.

We would have a fellowship before continuing the night studying. We would go in turns for the program and sermons. These things have really helped me with my stage fright. Well I am still having trouble with that but I was worse.

And since we go to sleep late because we have online class and notes were to be written only late at night. we the extra time people used to go to bed by 12 and it's already late. 

So our Sir did not allowed us to be awake gossiping or eating so. we would still whisper and eat things under the bed. Where even the soft biscuit would be so loud and the little things was so delicious.

And on Sunday mornings we would go around the neighborhood or a prayer mountain. All of us just walking together holding each other tight as it is a very cold morning singing on the roads.

 And on reaching back in the campus we would clean the campus while some help sir make breakfast as it is sunday and our sir used to make us special breakfast.

In the evening when we have time some would swing while some would play by the slide and let me tell you I am talking about 18 year old people. Everyone was missing home but we were friends like kids that make that place home. Soone would play football in the side and badminton on the other.

Where in one side would be a small fire while singing while some kids would join us.

We planned out advanced Christmass celebration by ourself. Some are busy practicing for the special performance and other for the decoration. But Only studying at night and morning so. 

We were rushing everywhere but we all pulled it all together and have a verry memorable advanced Christmass celebration. I could write another whole paragraph on how that goes but I'll leave that for now.

So we all go home excitingly to spen christmas with our family. 

The fun part is after the new year and we all meet together again. Finishing covering our syllabus and preparing for the exam. Dur to COVID there is no exam. But we had fun.

I like?

 

As I become older somehow somewhere I tent to put my focus on something negative and think only about my flawed forgetting that I also have a worth. But giving a thought I have so much to be grateful for. If little or younger me see me today I know she would be proud even though we haven't finished what we planned to accomplish but that's what keep us moving so we'll keep on dreaming .little me was so positive so she would be so amazed by the adult me. There are people who are suffering and I feels sad for them and want them to feels better but now I have mine that is useable so I'll make it worth it so that I can help even just a bit by my company I'll try my best for the things I cannot do. I will always pray for the world and evil around and always thank God for giving me the opportunity to experience what I have experience. I have meet lots of amazing people whom I learn a lot for get inspiration from and people who cared for me tells me that the world Is not so evil and there are hope. 

When I try to think about something I like there are always the back flash of the previous mistake made it hard to like a thing. But Liking thing is also easy but getting attached is the hardest . Like having a cactus plant but caring it too much looking after it every day but dies after sometime or maybe because of over watering. Wasn't tensional but only cause of care but it still dies and nothing we can do but feel sad. So liking and everything must have it's limit

Existing

 

But how so other get so lucky.

We all were born without any choice or any planning. Suddenly we exist some are just filled with love and care where some are just there for the existence of a mistake taken just as a living being.

Who make the rules why can't it just be fair to everyone. Do other people really feel sad too do other people feel like giving up to like really?. 

But everyone else is better at everything, taking care of themselves , they know how to be themselves even if they fall they know they would be fall onto good hands. Maybe that's why.

Other are just so sure on what to do and is good at living their life. Enjoying life with friends and family. Getting and understanding every thing going on around in the world. 

While I am just keep getting stumbled by many things that make me fall down. That when I get up I end up loosing something while I was falling which I will never be able to have again. 

How can I when I can only see myself falling down a dark pit. Well even superhero retire when they are of no use and everyone just forget about them. My superhero is lost my hero is tired, in need of help but where are the people that get help to help my hero.

My hero is turning weak by things happening all around everywhere where the evil is working hard in secret and visibly. Evil have become so strong little by little it have taken over everyone. I cannot loose. my hero.

My hero is weak but is still working hard to save the world. Carrying the world with that tired body barely existing where people are little by little forgetting the existence of my hero.

Blessed morning

 

Waking up early is a verry hard thing for me. Waking up to meet up for a group prayer is a verry big step. But attending a group fellowship or prayers where people come together to share the words of God, no place feels more home than that.

Felt safe and found.The morning light with a hint of just a little rain which felt like a kiss send from above. Praises we sing together makes me feel so alive. what better ways should we use our voice but to praise God.

The colour of the sky and the shade of the trees that give us a comfortable spot to meet together. Where we all holds hand and all pray for each and everyone. Where we share our trouble and we listen to others like a family. We all who are a child of God are already a family. 

In the morning sun we see the goodness of God and the the birds and other animals are praising God. How can other people not know who are and dare not prise God. But God's love will never set as the sunset every day God's love is eternal.

Looking Up

 

When the sky gets clear and the trees got their new leaf. We know it is such an amazing place and world it is. Maybe it make us forget how rainy it was before.

The vibrant sky the colourful light it reflect across. The sparkling sensation it have that bright up one person. The sky shines, and stays dull it accepts the praises it gets and the critisms that people throw at them. 

No matter what, the sky still show and reflect what it is ment to do and showcase what it's existence is for.

The soft looking clouds floating undisturbed slowly moving forward little more each minuit. 

The sky will always show it's darkest and brightest to the dullness to light. Looking up we will also serve our purpose let other talk but never let them stop you from moving forward.

A little step

 How long is later. I am too tired I'll do it later. Later when, after 1 minuit?,no  2 minuit then in a blink of an eye it's already 1 hour.

How much more longer do we need to know how long is later. Procrastination it is keeping on extending work much. It's not important so we leave it unattended until it  actually is too late to do it.

Then later we feel bad we feel disappointed only to repeat it again and again?....until it becomes a habit that is slowly becoming your personality where you become disappointed in yourself, feeling like a failure.

But even after all that there is always NOW it is never late to start again. So what,  we missed some step. We can just start small and maybe we can actually do better than what we think we actually are capable of.And even if we are not better then with mistake, with hardship we can slowly keep on going learning how to fix things that we break, and go through so many step and building that other did not. 

Everyone is different in their own way. Yes we can look up to them praise them and learn from them. But envying of someone or something that they possess is the worse thing that a person can ever do  will only slow you down, crash you and break you. How about we say she is so pretty well if we are ugly we can't change that I mean there are people thatt have amazing nose shape and hair and a lot bout how about we look in the mirror and SAY to yourself that you are Perfect, you are beautiful, You are nice. You need love and praise yes praising other is a verry nice thing but. 

Loving yourself is the best thing you can do. Love is not about beauty, Well I think beauty come from the viewpoint of a person's heart and thought. Without love how will we ever find good in something. If we hate something ofcourse we will always find fault. Beauty comes from love.

With a little love let's start accepting ourself and be kind to us. If we make mistake let us help ourselves get up and be better instead of scolding ourself or hurting ourselves. more than we need. 

And if we are searching for reason to live. We don't need a specific reason to live the fact that we are born are already reasonable enought to keep on going. Isn't is so amazing to be in love well the best relationship you could ever be is with yourself. Well in life, there nothing is easy there will be time your are at your lowest. And when you think you're at your lowest it will get lower. But still drag that body up or atlease somewhere never stay in there for long keep on moving and living.

Your life is a present a verry special present your Family ever get. 

Lemon

 

Talking about underrated things.

Everyone was busy talking about movies and artists even among all things I think among all fruits are the most underrated things. And even among the fruits I think Limon is underrated.

Lemon is a fruit that can be used in tons of ways. Can be used for making lemon pickle or achhar, used for a salad dressing, also be used for dessert in many ways, even eating it raw has so much flavour and tangy and sour,  there are also a lot more ways it can be eaten and even used.

One weird way it is useful is in event emergency days when you have a sticky foot smell put the leaf of lemon and it would decrease the smell well if you have a feet like my father I am sorry but it definitely helps refresh the smell.

When we talk about Lemon people always compare it to sadness but I think it's such a fun and new flavor. Bring or show newness

and freshness to something .

But if lemon was another thing it could be so strong that it could kill. powerful enough to be a villain that could wipe out an entire area with just its cent.

Talking about lemon we can't forget its juiciness and the bursting taste. Everything is just right in a lemon its colour to its skin its little million of dots as its shell. 

Wonton

 A little dry and Meaty with not much vegetable.

So this Saturday we make Wonton for who don't know what that is it is like dumpling or momo but boiled not steamed.

It was a hot sunny day but I was hungry and was ready to eat anything and a call came asking me to come over and ask to make something te eat It was an instant Okay also from not eating home cooked food her food was like my home food and her room always feels like a sunday evening.

So uder the sun with a very humid road I make my way to her house. And upon reaching I gulp all her food and after eating we think about what to eat next. So we saw the zepto anniversary news and ordered minced chicken from ther and also we can recieve the gift it come with. 

We recieved the order and we were so excited to unbox the gift. Deep down we know it would not be that worth it but we were excited and there it is a croissant, energy drink, coffee annd some other stuff. so we drink the energy drink.

While I kneaded the dough while she was making the fillings where the fillings was just chicken and minced garlic,ginger and onion paste. So te flatten the dough fill them shape them and boil them up. 

After boiling we scoop out the chunks and let the broth boil few more minutes where we add ginger and some spice to make the soup. The wonton itself was kinda bland but I like it BUT with the soup it was amazing. So since it was just us we tried calling our friends but they were all busy so it's just ua and we eat a lot. 

I even can't think about eating more thinking of it make me want to throw up but thinking back I want to eat them again. Still it was a very fun activity to spen our free time together. Well probably meet a lot more and tey new recipe so looking forward to it.

Crumbling

 

The Air that blows everywhere. The light we get after every darkness. While we have light there are place that are presently in darkness, and when we are in the darkness time there are place that have a light.

 The same light and the same darkness can both both be happiness and sadness. The sun that give light and grows plant can be the reason that burns the grown the darkness where the stars are sparkling can also be the moment where one get lost and not find a way back.

So just as that the word you think are fine and just a joke can cut so deep or can be a thorn stuck in the skin of a person that can never be removed. These words that have hurt a person are always from the loved ones and the one that are cared most by it and that hurt more.

Listen to your own words, look at where you place your hand. Think about what your words actually mean. The look you give. 

Just a simple task and words that seemed so little and hurtless. No those are the scars that keep on throbbing inside. One simple sorry are not able to fix. reply It's Okay and "see they are fine" NO what do you mean have you have no heart.

The gloomy day in the lonely dark space the words and heartful action came crawling eating them up, crushing them alive that not a think can reminds them of happiness where there seemed no a single ray of light can enter. 

Crumbling down piece by piece that can never be mend again. That even the hard put together figure can never be as smooth as it was before. Where the only comfort is in the darkness where the crack scar cannot be seen.

consistency

 Consistent is the only thing I need but is so difficult. When I think about it it seemed so easy it's just doing the same thing everyday or frequently. But Life have so many thing that we did not know we would face.

I really do need consistency because I have a lot of hobbies. Like right now I am reading 3 books for my college and another 1 just for fun. It's kinda messed up now but sometimes it kinda is less boring.

Other han reading I also watched movies and do crochet too sometime both at the same time. I like learning new things but being consistent is my biggest wall in experting them.

Also like now I am a daily blogger but tends to forget or late while getting lost in other things. But I am trying with the help of our teacher inspiring us to write his always praise. was always worth it .

I am writing this verry tate right now but now or never so. Being consistent so far .So if you're reading this you got this and if I can you definately can

My mother tongue (PAITE)

my mother tongue "paite"

Paite is originally from Sino-Tibetan, the language spoken by a small group of people which also is in the process of developing. Paite literally is from a group of tribe known as Zomi, people often refer the Zomi's as (kuki) but the paite remained calmed and preferred to be known as Zomi

The paite spoken people are very Diverse now as the world is developing but the majority are in churachandpur district, in Northeast in India.

We are able to stay together and save until now because of  our Forefathers that have fought against our enemies to Protect our land. As it be the German, the Japanese we have lost a lot of great mighty warriors and Martyrs in those battles but they are the reason we are proud of who we are.That have left a lot of scars in our memory which will never be forgotten.

We have a traditional Attire called Paite Puandum consisting of the colour Black, green, yellow and red. Carrying a meaningful story to it. Our great 

grandparents would wear it by itself by wrapping it around their body showing their identity and treat it as 

a treasure for it is a traditional shawl which a very meaningful purpose. For other time they would wear other cloth or shawl that are hand woven by themselves to cover them.

Hunting and farming was the main source of product and survival. So Hunting big animals are a verry festive time for everyone and where the whole village would come and eat together. 

There are a lot more to be introduce about our tribe but I don't think words would be ever enought to express it all.

Paite is a verry unique language that are not popular or largely known yet.

there are a lot of language that are similar or have a relationship with but is beutiful in their own respective ways.

My mother tongue known as Paite Alphabet are not that different from English just the pronounciation and uses are different so if you know English it's easy to learn.

The words or alphabets is called Lai mal means books inscription. 

These is the alphabet of Paite with their sound or pronounciation inside the braket.

Like other language there are lyric words, old ganged or dated words. Which are much more beautiful and sweet .

Paite language are direct and on point.Most people make some mistake while reading .

I'll take my name as example ' Mawi' in the above letters we can see that AW is pronounced o so It is pronounced Moi not MA WI .  

These are some few words I can share about my language which I am proud of being in and being a part of . Hope to share more about it.

All ice-cream melts

 

Was it worth the ice-cream?

  After so many days apart One sudden meet and a random conversation. After spending time without any connection full of memories 

Only memories and expectations and not in the existing real situation. Only taking about were, was , had.

How are you, what have you been up to this and that. Kinda know how it will go but the force inside flowed and answer them smoothly.

Maybe then if it have stopped it would have not been that hard to letgo. Memories are what we miss not the existing thing. 

The feeling linger loving and liking but don't want to feel anymore. No more .

But that ice-cream I recieved so sweet and creamy really do melt me. 

But the longer I hold onto it the more it melt. Melting to much it gets evaporated and seeped into the soil. 

All the sweetness drip inside the souls the wetness gets dry by seeping into the soil bit by bit.

Only left with the stain of it.

Is the moon Okay

 

Moon how far exactly would it be. If it have feelings would it also be jealous of the other planet.

 The dry surface pimples like holes would it feel insecure about it to. What if the moon is also verry loney there.

Even here on earth when people gets lonely they stare at the moon and compare themselves to the moon. What would the moon feels like would it feel more lonely that even other lonely people compare themselves to the moon. Can it cry, will it cry.

Are the stars atlease nice to the moon ir do the stars also fall onto it when it dies. Will the star be bright to the moon to. Will the moon ever wish to be the sun that is hot, bright and big instead of being a moon dull, cold and dry.

Are the moon thirsty for fresh air and wetness of water. The life that comes from plants. Would the moon spy on the earth or peek a bit at the plants. The colourful lively vibe it gives.

Or will it also feels bad for the bad things that happens on earth. Sometimes maybe feels relief for the peacefulness it have.

What ever or how ever the moon may seem to feel no matter how sad it get people from afar will admire it and compare to it. 

When we click it's photo is it smiling like we say cheese when taking photo or does it not know what a smile is and just look frowning. 

The moon colour to coolness is still the best for me. It looks lone but to me it does not look lonely. A verry strong moon with a verry thick and quiet place.

Where one would find peace there.

And hope it like it there .

The mean dog

 I love dogs.

Puppy to grown up dogs. small to big except 

that small furry dog that our neighbour own a verry mean loud one. Yes that one exactly what you think that small furry little.

Why ok, well because that dog is a verry mean one and they never keep that dog inside their campus it's always outside their gate and everyone ignored the road. But me and my friends couldn't cause we live in the same road well that dog was a little calmer with us.

And one day we were playing hide and seek and I was hiding behind a gate and that dog sneaked under the wall and dead stare me until that dog scream barking at me. With the meanest, scariest eyes ever and tried to bite me.

I ran as hard as I can. I was hiding and suddenly I was everywhere running and screaming while my friends were staring laughing at me. While I was finally high in the tree while that dog wait below yeah that dog love me too much. 

Only after some time it went away and I screamed so much at my friend for not saving me. But we all laugh about it after sometime went.Well the joke went on like a long time but those were the best time.

Well as a dog lover, some might eww but, I also love dog meat so much.  So much that I would cry missing the dog that was killed and eat that same dog at the same time. It was necessary to let go of that dog so might as well eat and end up loving it.

Me and Cooffee

 

Soo I was wondering why I like cooffee. I mean it smells nice and the fragrance is to die for but. 

   The but BUT is I am a little allergic to it cause when I drink to much of it my heart would beat so much other might not hear it but there is always a loud DuK dUuK Duk Dukk and sometimes hurt a bit but it kinda feels weird I think it makes me feel alive. My mother definitely should not hear that I drink cooffee like two times a day well I drink small portion of it so I'll be fine. 

   The danger of life the pain I feel hurt I feel are the one that make me who I am.  They make me feel so human so alive and once we are no more we will not be able to feel the same kind of feel. And the fact that it hurt means I was fine and when the hurting ends I know the value of my healthy self. 

I really should listen more to peoples warning but it feels so nice and  feels just so  lively.

Street foods is bad for health but I mean when you already know the bad side of it but still eat It's ment to be good so try them. Just joking don't do it they are always not good for the stomach.

I challange myself alot but there was a time I compare myself to others and that was hard cause there are always someone better and better every step I finished every achievement I've done. I was exhausted and lost then. I somehow know what I was missing, that I was my biggest opponent trying to search someone, something to destroy myself so I compet with myself and  challange myself. 

The best part is even if I loose I still win. I know it Makes no sense but I make it make sense in myself. Trust me it's fun, there are times that you just feel so heavy to carry yourself when that time comes just rest a bit take care of yourself like you would take care of your love ones.  One more secret I'll share. Pretend you're a doctor and a nurse it works everytime well if your doctor inside you tell you you need a real doctor then you can go meet the real one.

Delusional it seemed but delulu is the solulu so might as well just delusional in the right way.  Important take control of that mind cause being stuck inside that delusional realm is so easy and comforting never confused to the real world know when to Switch and control. 

Sleeping also is such an escape from life. We get lost, we found love, lost family and friends, we fly, fall , die and live inside our dream. The place where there is no limit where the real world could not distract us. Sleep was my escape to every little inconvenience I find in my life, it have really been such a shield but too much of it have really weakened me. Sleep have help me so much that every little mistreat,  mistake I'll just sleep it off definitely was not the right way.

 Becoming adult slowly realising what we did wrong and correcting ourself is our duty so I'll do my best. And there comes cooffee, now have becomes my bestfriend the smell comfort me the liquid keeps me awake for a bit more. 

The brown colour so mature like an elderly there to comfort me, feels warm. 

Black coffee, ice cooffee , white cooffee and mixed cooffee they are all cooffee but all of them taste different in every situation. When you're feeling bitter drinking black cooffee to let yourself know that something is more bitter and when the weather is too hot ice cooffee refresh and keeps you awake. Whe white and mix cooffee best drink on a rainy and cozy day is so comfortable. 

Cooffee just a seed is so precious to me. Making it, is so easy I've seen a lot of videos on how they make it, I totally will be able to make it. Nah don't kid yourself it's so hard 🥲 I failed like three times and not bother myself anymore and left the making part to the experts.

So I do my part by drinking cooffee sometimes because I am bored

Rain

The cool breeze that just blows the leaves also reached you what is more amazing than that. The smell of the fresh new leaf the clean leaf is such a beauty that human always dreamed for. Which only exist after a rain, maybe a drizzling or sometimes a harsh one with thunder and lightning. What a sight it was such a miracle that give life to grains and a hope within itself. When the cool breeze blow the leaves would danse with their cheerful moves fully awake don't need no cooffee always looking up and full of hope

No matter how exactly the rain come pouring it will stop somehow showing that nothing is forever and we must appreciate anything in the moment. More importantly at a verry special moment the weather even leaves us a rainbow showing that there will be no flood giving us a warm comfort a forever gift from our God. Everything we do every situation we face we must not expect too much and moreover not dwell on thinking how the situation will be. It can be a situation where the rain pours down and breaks every part of our hope, a broken branch a dirt everywhere and but can also leave us with a sunny sky full of greens and light full of colour. 

     A little hope and less expectations with an open mind is all we need. Self love and confidence and let not else break our confidence because of others insecurities that they show by opposing you.You are the plant full of invisible rain , thunder and rainbow. You are all and nothing except yourself. Give yourself permission to experience many thing without anything blocking you Your permission is the permission you need. 

stress?

 Stress are really unhealthy for everyone and I am sure everyone do not want to have stress in them. But stress is something that everyone have in them. People we see around the world and see on our phone or even on TV everyone who looked healthy .free and happy  but they can also  not always have  the best day so never ever compare yourself to them ever cause I am sure they are also having a hard time but they never give up and keep on doing their work. Life is hard but never forget to be kind to other cause just as you are feeling there are also people out there fighting battles everyday. So never have the feeling that you are the only one feeling left out. The world is full of people who are working or trying their best to just be who they are so do not be hurt by peoples words or action cause the voice inside you also matter. You are important your thought matter your voice matters you are amazing, do not let that amazing thing inside you be stuck and stay stagnant inside those beautiful thing. Incase if make you feel better ill share something personal to practice sharing . Cause stagnant thought are the most amazing food for them. So I used to have a dog but he accidentally bit a grandmother who was using our campus without our consent And guess what we have to pay for the medicine and kill the dog because it can always so bite people and our neightbor  does not feel safe around him. And the day they took him out he was scrying and looking at me hoping I would not let him go but I was young i could do nothing but to look at the other way. Every sound he make and every step they make my heart drop and my entire body feels numb. This experience was something I would never forget and would not like to go through again. It have traumatized and really make me feel like I could not have someone or have the ability to take care of anyone. But eventually this come to my mind that I should not stop myself because of something I fail and think on what I can do and help other. Still I haven't have a dog again yet but I help my friends dogs street dogs and hopefully get one when I'm in a situation to take care of it and have the right environment. Well I am sure there are other some more serious problems you are facing but the feeling of helplessness is something that come from something that are important to everyone and that everyone are a different person with their opinion so even if there are no other people who understand you make sure you take care of yourself and that You are the most important person in your life. Write on how you feel, tell your friends well if you don't have friend and bad at sharing feelings like me firstly cry it out let yourself feel, crying does not mean you are weak and ask for help that is the bravest you can ever do even if there is no one you are also someone. Face your fear you are so much stronger than you think you are what ever never let the stress eat you up you will find the answer someday just never give up on yourself Love yourself and one day you will definitely be able to let go of it or atlease know how to manage the situation so You just have to listen to your heart and do not be in a rush and be patience most importantly never think you cannot do it. 

Little me

One cold morning, it was winter and I was awake and could smell my mother burning the wood in the woodstove which is very common in the area of North East ,that is where I live, which is always  cold in winter. I would instantly get up from my bed as fast as I can when I hear the sound of my mother fixing the fire and would rush over in a hurry to sit near the stove even though being under the blanket in bed would have been so much warmer but younger me was so excited to know that it was morning and I could play new games with my friend again.My mother notice me and look at me and ask me if I am not sleepy wich I would definitely would not be as little me was energetic like a squirrel and to my father I am like a crab which I don't know why. But with that   my mother would tell me to go back and sleep some more with my siblings as it is still cold and still  early in the morning . The cold morning with the warmth from the stove and the smell of wood burning was so comforting .And my mother asking me to go back and sleep was so vivid. Now me would never forget that mostly because I cannot woke up early and most importantly the kid that was so excited for a new type of game to play is now  too little and the  present  Big me is now in process of Forming the complete me I guess. little me would be so amazed on how old I get. By the way have you ever wonder how a mud cake would taste like because that was all I could think about when I was younger as I love to make out of mud dirt but definitely cannot ask my mom as she would definitely scold me for playing with dirt and so I took it to my own hand and ...It definitely did not taste like a real cake promise do not try to taste it but on how I know how that taste like is a secret. Talking about secret being secretive and in an attempt to act like a spy kids with  my neighborhood kids was so thrilling we  would write words in a leaf and leave it at our gates so no one would know it's a letter or message for our friend . On which we wrote was so silly but was so exciting as a kid  one message I remember which I recieve was written "I have 2 sweet come verry fast" feeling so happy I rush to the next door house without anyone knowing was such a  nostalgic. Especially every ocassion or celebration especially christmas was so exciting and fun. Every Christmas night we have a tradition of putting plate under our bed where santa would put gift or so we thought and in the morning us all the kids in the neighborhood would come together and show our gifts and share if there is any sweets or eatables there, we would share stories that was made up at that moment was something we would eagerly look forward to.

 

older

 So getting older is the only thing all people share.We all learn different things in different ways and

understand it differently but. The way we choose are the same . We look up to our elder so much, amazed by how mature they were . But now we are the elder people not kindergarten kids nor a high school but A college student with a huge amount of future to take care of. People were in love people were so clear on what to do so that was what I thought I would too be 

   But everything happens so fast .Everything seemed so nerve wrecking, Everything are so new and just hard. Try and you can do that yeah well ofcourse we all herd of it but if it was that easy to just do everyone would just do it too don't you think so. Study about someone whose life is so great learning new words but not about yourself . Learning so much about other thing that you even forget yourself how you were , who you were. Slowly becoming someone you can even recognise that one fine day  making you wonder how it happens but too late to just undo things. 

But this is a world full of people . Rushing everything trying to prove to someone somewhere that something new are better and that they are always right and other are at the wrong full of selfishness. Keep on repeating and saying  that time is money. Forgetting that we all are just here on earth and we all have nothing but time. Forgetting to acknowledge the value of time we inturn learn to envy time and even hate it for never stopping  ,even  fear time and let time control us.We must never forget the reason why things are found and formed . We choose things for a certain reason which we thought was right at the moment so even if we make a mistake according to people let's not put the weight on us. We did amazing we did great and We are always the best verson of us and that no one in this entire whole world that could play our role better than us getting tired is ok as long as we know what we like and be true to ourself